i literally feel like…

by upinthetree


i am SO tired of doing homework. i mean, its not like ive ever even been a super homeworker. i have ALWAYS been lazy and an extreme procrastinator. seriously, if procrastinating was a sport, id be in the extreme division (along with my fiance-ha!). i seriously even procrastinate when i want to do something. if i have plans to be somewhere, i will almost always be anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes late. yuck! how do i even have friends?!?! its so inconsiderate and really selfish and just not okay. so friends out there, i am sorry. my lateness is ever before me.
but back to homework and how i feel like this little girl:
i am just
i have been in college since i was 19. yep. thats almost 7 years. HEY and lets not forget i am waiting to hear about whether or not ill be adding yet ANOTHER YEAR to that 7 with graduate school. ive noticed a lot of people are putting this whole graduate school thing off (and by people, i mean those i am graduating with). i guess they feel they need a break. umm…oookay, but social work graduate school is ONE year if you have completed a bachelors program. not to mention that it could mean a $20,000 pay increase. so here i go, struggling through. almost everyday this week i have said, “okay, today i am setting aside 3 hours to do homework.” oh and i have set aside three hours. its just that during those three hours ive got the television on, blogs up, i’m googling “discounted silk ribbon” and of course, making an anthropologie wish list. so that 3 hours actually means ONE little hour to do what is really about three weeks worth of backed up assignments. needless to say, today at 3:09pm, ive only gotten one done. couldnt i just say eff it all and barely pass my classes?? i am graduating and all. my grades barely count for any sort of admission into graduate school.
ill tell you why this is not okay:
its all in colossions 3:23 baby: “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord and not for men”
so this means, just barely passing my classes is not acceptable. not if that isnt my best. and it certainly isnt. i am a smart girl. i CAN do exceptional work, but i choose to cut myself off at the knees. somehow, i still end up with good grades and thats all well and good, but is it really something i can say i did with all my heart? no, its not. and the Lord knows i really need to get this right. He knows that i need to learn to do my best work, that i need to stop being late for my internship almost everyday-EVEN IF my field instructor is and doesnt care if i am. that is not doing the work with all my heart. i want to do it with all my heart, Lord. i want to make You proud.
i need prayer. i need an intervention. a procrastination intervention. do you think it could be considered an addiction?