It’s been a rough last couple of days. Maybe it seems strange to publicly announce this, but I struggle with some pretty bad PMS. Beginning sometime around Friday, I have been experiencing some uncomfortable symptoms. Full on bloating, bitchiness and bad thoughts. There have been legitimately difficult situations going on in my life, but the amount they have occupied my mind is RIDICULOUS. I felt out of control and as if I could not keep myself from thinking about these things or talking about them.
Then suddenly, I felt convicted. I mean REALLY convicted. I think the moment that really got to me was at Bible study on Monday night. The lesson was on being who God made you to be. At the end, we went around and affirmed each other. When it got to me, a good friend of mine said “I appreciate that you really want to be more like Jesus in the things that you do. You might not always say it, but I know that it is your motivation” …………………WOAH! At this moment, I started to tear up while feeling the gentle burn of conviction in my heart. Is this really true about me? If it is really true about me, why am I struggling so much with letting these situations go? Why can’t I stop dwelling on them, creating more problems for myself and potentially others…?
This issue of obsessively over-thinking something or not being able to let a situation go has been a constant one for me. I have been in counseling with the most AMAZING counselor for going on three years. And this is the issue that keeps rearing its ugly head. Control. I cannot just give up control. I will obsessively talk and think about a situation until it is SO incredibly dead. And I kept saying to myself, “Well, God is changing me but it just takes time…yeah, I just need more time so I’ll allow myself to fester on these thoughts this time because one day I won’t.” And then I started thinking about a passage that talks about being like Christ:
So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective. Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life.
I am waiting for something to just HAPPEN, when these verses are giving a clear command to do it. But it is so against my nature to do what is right. To LET GO of these things and just let God do what He needs to do. To control my thoughts and my mouth in regards to my “feelings” about these situations. It IS against my nature but that is not the only thing at play here. I have the LIVING SPIRIT OF GOD in me. That means I have strength that is not my own that can and WILL empower me to do what is right. Philippians says I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me…2 Corinthians says that His grace is sufficient for me and that when I am weak HE is strong…Isaiah says not to fear because He is with me and He will uphold me. I’ve heard it all a million times but this is my first REAL Holy Spirit moment on this subject. I HAVE the power within me to stop these thoughts. I can take EVERY thought captive to Christ by making the choice to STOP and pray and ask the Holy Spirit for the power to let it go. I can stop myself before I open my mouth and continue to talk about things I cannot change. I can ask the Holy Spirit for strength to SHUT UP and He WILL give it to me. And I can ask friends to keep me accountable on that.
What a WORLD of difference it is to have to realization that the Creator’s very SPIRIT is inside of me. What a peaceful existence I will be able to experience if I just make the choice to STOP and ask Him for the strength I need.
Thank You, Jesus.